It's been a while since I last posted, I guess I have just been busy, I would have loved to have written more about what I've been up to. Perhaps at some point I can go back and fill in the gaps. Anyway here goes:
I have been visiting the dentist, doctors, hospitals, opticians, and various other health professionals quite frequently lately. The frequency of the visits seems to increase relatively to me and my family ageing!
All these services are provided free to families on a low income, and I fit into that bracket at the moment. So I can't even sit at the dentist and think, some of my taxes are going to pay your wages. It gets me down sometimes as they are all doing the most amazing jobs (I know they are getting paid and have a much better lifestyle than the one I have). They have studied for years and are working hard to earn their money and I come along and answer "Artist" when asked my profession. Not even "Graphic Designer"! I wonder if they pity me or hold strong political views about my type of family being a waste of space.
I was reasonably clever at school, I might have been able to be an optician or teacher if I was so inclined, but I always wanted to be an artist as far back as I can remember existing. But sometimes I feel so useless and don't get a feeling of true worthiness and job satisfaction. I want to be helping people feel better like a doctor, or bringing joy to peoples lives.
I then have to reason with myself. I THINK about what brings joy into my life and many people I know. So many people enjoy books, wear fashion, love music, love comedy because of the joy they all bring. When a person walks into a gallery just one out of many paintings might catch their eye, as art is so subjective. But it gives them something. And it is important. And they may well choose to take that picture home with them.
I feel there is a lot of nastiness and jealously thrown in the direction of people like me. People that have a 'proper' jobs can, and some do, really show their resentment towards me. What they don't realise, is quite how much I DO work. How I work odd hours? Or have trouble sleeping sometimes just thinking up new things like a lunatic? I am certainly not idle in any respect. Trying to figure out how I can get from where I am now to where 'those' people are. They certainly did not give up. They worked very hard.
When I am feeling negative I like to read David Hockney's books, which give me a lot of confidence. Now there is a man who has constantly 'played' all his life and is so well known and respected for his art. He has no doubt made other people a lot of money too. So many people adore his work. What would the world have been like if he had become an optician?
|My favourite Hockney book so far|
I can't wait for the day that I start contributing and paying taxes towards the wages of the wonderful people in the public sector. (The goody ones, not the baddies!) But this may take some time, with the kids still at home. I keep trying to not get distracted and focus on the main goal. But it is going to get a lot harder in the next few years for people like me. It's a shame it has to be such a fight. If we have a gift, we need to use it, whichever profession it leads us to.